Wishes for You

If I could wish some things for all of us, I would wish:
• That our external environments enable us to bloom and thrive, that they allow us to be kind yet uncompromising, that they pave accesses and doorways so we can build the lives we desire;
• That we learn to identify our pains – the necessary and the unnecessary.. the necessary pains of our hardships, remember, are nothing but pathfinders, the coals in our fire, and the unnecessary burdens and anxieties of our heartaches are gently collected and disposed of and bid goodbye to… with the certainty and promise that they will cease to go wherever we are;
• That we learn to enjoy the present. Without letting the hurtful past define how we live, how to love, how we think. That we become capable to treat every day as a new beginning;
• That our inner workings be of ferocious gladness, eternally committed to compassion (towards others and ourselves, especially ourselves), and constantly attentive for opportunities to experience a heightened sense of curiosity, awe, and wonder;
• That we are able to enjoy our own company, be comfortable in silence, distant from our overly critical selves. Knowing that we are enough.
• That we continue to treasure the ones we love and the ones who love us, that they stay comfortable in our silence, that they respect our journeys (no matter the polarity), distant to some people’s want of control, and rising up against our own desire to control others. That around us, people feel safe, supported, appreciated;
• That we remain confident of who we truly are – amidst what may lack, amidst the excesses – we are beautiful, capable, loved. Loved. Maybe not by everyone. Just loved. Maybe by God. Maybe by the Universe. Maybe by our own little hearts;
• That we may find meaning, and joy, and gratitude every day. And if they do not show up, we’ll have the courage to search for them, one way or another. And if it fails today, have the patience and fortitude to wait for another opportunity tomorrow.

Happy mid-2019!

On Pressure

 

Pressure is inevitable if you want to test

how high can you soar and

how deep can you go.

 

🌊✈️

(literally and figuratively)

My Fairy Tale Happy Ending – A Speech

Growing up, like most girls, I’ve always wanted my happily ever after.

And for sure, it was rooted from the the first books I’ve ever read were that of my yayas – the Precious Heart Romance Pocketbooks.

These stories have a similar format- a poor girl, with her beauty and kindness as her major strengths, waits for her life to change. She eventually meets a wealthy, good looking, driven man who comes from an upper class family. They fall in love but the family of the guy opposes the relationship. They fight for their love. Something tragic happens. But because the guy has overwhelming love for the poor girl, they go against all odds and eventually get married and live happily ever after, together, forever.

Additionally, my family, specially, my mother is very particular on making sure I am in love and in a relationship.One of life’s greatest purposes is to make my happy ending happen.

I will meet someone good-looking, kind, driven, wealthy and we will get married against life’s odds. And we will have our honeymoon, where else, Paris and Maldives, and we will be together forever.. with the kids.

But this aspiration, I realized early on, was a big pain in the (ass) … heart.

First, because it’s particularly challenging to find someone kind, driven, good looking, and wealthy at the same time. Or they can be all of the above, but I wont be their type or vice versa. Or they belong to a totally different demographics that makes it impossible for us to meet.

I’d be in and out of dating – and realized no one will ever suffice.

At 24, I met a good-looking guy, comes from a good family, a Mormon (my parents’ preference) and we almost got married. But because of major personality differences, my instinct said, “Not yet.”

And there were too many “NOT YETs” afterwards.

I was frustrated. My parents are extremely disappointed. My ovaries are probably frustrated, as well.

One day, when I was 28, i met my fairy god mother – lets call her Anna, she is a wise woman who had been in two (2) divorces and who finally found peace and contentment and another love – and instead of providing glass slippers, a dress and sending me to a ball or a networking event. she provided wisdom, she said “You know, love isn’t about finding a happy ending with another person. It’s finding yourself happy, by yourself, on your own and wanting the same joy for another person- notwithstanding if you are together or apart.”

I was stunned by how she defined love. It is entirely different on how I was taught love growing up. This woman is telling me that instead of a man changing my life, I am supposed to be 100 percent accountable for my own joy. I was unhappy with the traditional way of thinking thus I decided to take advice to heart and I found myself trying to practice it everyday.

First I focused on myself, I need to be happy on my own – and what did that entail – a passionate professional life, genuine friendships, savings that will make me feel secure, a dynamic, artistic, mobile life that involved travel, Toastmasters, and poetry.

And slowly I worked toward these things. I am still working on them every single day.

From a finance professional, I transitioned to an international development professional- a career I feel strongly about. I make sure I meet my girlfriends and make time for them. I constantly monitor my net worth and investments. I have published a poetry book. And I traveled 25 countries as of date – and yes, I visited France and Maldives alone and to be honest, I am the happiest person knowing that I needed not a husband to take me there.

I found myself not with a happy ending, but with very happy nows. Just because I took accountability for my own joy.

Have I found the one? You may ask. I’d say, I’m not sure if the concept of the one holds true. But I did find someone who looks like a prince charming – extremely good looking, very kind, and who is driven, enigmatic, fun, who is wealthy.. not that it matters at all cause I can take care of myself. And we have a freeing, loving relationship filled with authenticity and acceptance, not unreasonable expectations.

And of course I still want to have a happy ever after with him, but above all, what I desire for him and for me is to live the happiest, the best lives we could – together or apart.

Lesson from Toronto: Just do it!

When I was in Toronto, I met a 70+ year old Filipino who covered our literacy campaign at the Consulate. He was gregarious and open, filled with light and life. He told us that he is a one-man show of the newspaper company he owns – he takes photographs; he writes news articles; he formats the newspaper; pays for the publication; distributes. He does everything.

He said, “It’s challenging, of course. But it took me to places. I covered historical milestones beside journalists of CNN, name it. So the key here, child, is to just believe in yourself. Do not ever, ever doubt yourself. And just do things.”

I have never forgotten that conversation.

The Sentence that Changed My Life

 

When I met individuals who are much wealthier than me, I wished I was also born into wealth. When I met people who are lovelier and sexier than I am, I wished I had the resources and time to invest in my physical beauty – moreover, I wished I had better genes. When I met people who are excellent at something (say Finance and public speaking), I wished I was them.

But wishing to be someone is disrespecting who you are, your gifts, your own beauty, your life.

One day, I found this treasure of a sentence:

“The measure of who we are is what we do with what we have.” – Vince Lombardi

And it took a while to realize that I cannot be happy wishing to have what I do not have. What will make my life grand is to be grateful with what I already have and be willing to capitalize on them.

I started accepting my weaknesses, and recognizing my unique gifts.

I celebrated whatever I have and invested in myself.

Now, I feel actualized, I feel grateful I am who I am, moreover, I always have this confidence to dream big (based on who I truly am, based on what I truly want).

How Do I Discover You, My Love?

How do I discover you?

do I read you like I do a book
relentless in pursuit of a
happy ending, skipping details in between apostrophes?

do i scrutinize you
like the way i do of test questions
giving meaning to every single word,
as if the nearby future depends upon it’s perfection?

as the world spins, do i let my nimble fingers
shape you to the jar
i imagined you to be?

do i watch you from my periphery,
pretending that you go unnoticed?
(you don’t, you can’t.)

do i discover you like the way
the sun lights up at 5
to ensure the tulips,
in time, are ready to bloom?

do i slowly, gently unwrap you,
unbox you,
untie you?

how do i discover you,
my love?

do i passively sit beside your unfolding?
do you want my hands shaping the shallow side of your being?
do i push you to edge until you learn to fall or to fly?

tell me,
how do i discover you, my love?

 

The Winters and Summers Inside

It doesn’t matter how plush the grass,
how clear the sky,
how fervent the stars stay to twinkle –

If you choose to be an all-year winter inside.

It doesn’t matter how dull the sails,
How dim the tunnel,
How patient the storm to dwell –

If you choose to be an all-year summer inside.

It may not be real to others,
But what is real to you –
is how well the seasons
inside of you arrive, depart, reside.

Fate & Fantasy

Do you think you can run away from me?
Do you think your beauty, your youth, your strong arms and legs
Can stride you to the ends of the world and walk away from the will
of the laughter of the Gods?
You are my playmate in this universe,
And there are no games you could play
that will make you hide from
What your soul has been seeking.
And I will count one thousand years,
two thousand years.
three thousand years..
And one day, like how it was meant to be,
You in your cumberbatch jeans,
And I with the calmness of my books and being,
Will smile and walk to the same spring
of where the Will stands.

“I imagine us before this life.”
You said.
“You going your own way and I travelling on mine.”
I said.

But there are no games we could play to score differently,
And there’s no hiding from that one eternal truth,
That in this lifetime of odds, and evens,
There’s no one like me, and there’s no one like you.

The Oceans

If you can drift
your way through
all these

easy breezy
gently gliding

would you?

would you drift
even if it means

the stream will become
your head

the current
your flesh

the breeze will become
your heart

…

and the river
your life

or would you
try to build yourself
a ship,
load it with fuel,
nestle it with anchors,
uplift it with sails,

so you could
finally
find your way
into the oceans
that have
been
pouring
calling
waiting for you

Happy and Lucky

If you want to be happy, learn how to be ferociously grateful.If you want to be lucky, learn how to reverentially ask.

Today’s life lesson