Growing up, like most girls, I’ve always wanted my happily ever after.
And for sure, it was rooted from the the first books I’ve ever read were that of my yayas – the Precious Heart Romance Pocketbooks.
These stories have a similar format- a poor girl, with her beauty and kindness as her major strengths, waits for her life to change. She eventually meets a wealthy, good looking, driven man who comes from an upper class family. They fall in love but the family of the guy opposes the relationship. They fight for their love. Something tragic happens. But because the guy has overwhelming love for the poor girl, they go against all odds and eventually get married and live happily ever after, together, forever.
Additionally, my family, specially, my mother is very particular on making sure I am in love and in a relationship.One of life’s greatest purposes is to make my happy ending happen.
I will meet someone good-looking, kind, driven, wealthy and we will get married against life’s odds. And we will have our honeymoon, where else, Paris and Maldives, and we will be together forever.. with the kids.
But this aspiration, I realized early on, was a big pain in the (ass) … heart.
First, because it’s particularly challenging to find someone kind, driven, good looking, and wealthy at the same time. Or they can be all of the above, but I wont be their type or vice versa. Or they belong to a totally different demographics that makes it impossible for us to meet.
I’d be in and out of dating – and realized no one will ever suffice.
At 24, I met a good-looking guy, comes from a good family, a Mormon (my parents’ preference) and we almost got married. But because of major personality differences, my instinct said, “Not yet.”
And there were too many “NOT YETs” afterwards.
I was frustrated. My parents are extremely disappointed. My ovaries are probably frustrated, as well.
One day, when I was 28, i met my fairy god mother – lets call her Anna, she is a wise woman who had been in two (2) divorces and who finally found peace and contentment and another love – and instead of providing glass slippers, a dress and sending me to a ball or a networking event. she provided wisdom, she said “You know, love isn’t about finding a happy ending with another person. It’s finding yourself happy, by yourself, on your own and wanting the same joy for another person- notwithstanding if you are together or apart.”
I was stunned by how she defined love. It is entirely different on how I was taught love growing up. This woman is telling me that instead of a man changing my life, I am supposed to be 100 percent accountable for my own joy. I was unhappy with the traditional way of thinking thus I decided to take advice to heart and I found myself trying to practice it everyday.
First I focused on myself, I need to be happy on my own – and what did that entail – a passionate professional life, genuine friendships, savings that will make me feel secure, a dynamic, artistic, mobile life that involved travel, Toastmasters, and poetry.
And slowly I worked toward these things. I am still working on them every single day.
From a finance professional, I transitioned to an international development professional- a career I feel strongly about. I make sure I meet my girlfriends and make time for them. I constantly monitor my net worth and investments. I have published a poetry book. And I traveled 25 countries as of date – and yes, I visited France and Maldives alone and to be honest, I am the happiest person knowing that I needed not a husband to take me there.
I found myself not with a happy ending, but with very happy nows. Just because I took accountability for my own joy.
Have I found the one? You may ask. I’d say, I’m not sure if the concept of the one holds true. But I did find someone who looks like a prince charming – extremely good looking, very kind, and who is driven, enigmatic, fun, who is wealthy.. not that it matters at all cause I can take care of myself. And we have a freeing, loving relationship filled with authenticity and acceptance, not unreasonable expectations.
And of course I still want to have a happy ever after with him, but above all, what I desire for him and for me is to live the happiest, the best lives we could – together or apart.
The Universe of Shayne 